Our identity as moms

The other day I heard Lysa Terquerst share that "Sometimes, we moms base the solidity of our identities on the fragile choices of our children." That is so true. When my children make good choices and are doing well, I feel happy and secure and content. But when they make poor choices or when they fail in some way, I always feel like I have failed as a mom. My identity must never come from my children's successes or failures, from the organization or lack thereof of my home, from my appearance, from my friends or my stuff or my gifts. My identity and worth come from Christ. My identity comes from the fact that the God of the universe saw me, even in all my sin and failure, and said, "I choose her. I want her as my beloved child. She is my girl."

So for those of us who struggle in this area, stop building the solidity of your identity on your children's fragile choices. "On Christ the solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand." Your identity and worth comes from Christ; He is the solid Rock that will never fail or disappoint. He has loaned you those children to love and guide and mentor, but ultimately we must entrust them to Him and to His plans for each of them. We must "be courageous enough to allow God to write their testimony." To Him be the glory.

Spelling, Part II

Well, back to the dreaded spelling words again--but Peter knew those words cold! We had gone over and over them, and every time we did practice tests, he got them all correct. I could hardly wait to open his folder yesterday to see that 100 proudly emblazoned across the top of his sheet! Imagine my surprise when I inexplicably saw not a 100 but a 76--he had missed FOUR words!! Words he absolutely knew how to spell! Words we had even quickly gone over that morning. Words we had practiced and practiced and then at the crucial moment of the test, he had MISSED! I couldn't believe it! Do I sound like an upset and frustrated mama?

When he came back in the door, I'm afraid I let him have it--how on earth could he have missed all those words when he knew them so well? why didn't he proof read his work? blah blah blah. Unlike his mama, Peter was sweet and calm and quietly began copying over the words he had missed.

That's when it hit me. How much like Peter was I when it came to the failing the tests that came my way in life? I practice and practice by reading God's Word. I know what He wants me to do and how He wants me to behave. I know He desires that I love and forgive just has He has so abundantly poured out His love and forgiveness on me. I know He wants me to daily renew my mind in His Word so that when the tests of life come, I will respond out of faith and what I know rather than what I feel. I know...I definitely know...but then, I do not do.

When the test arrives and I'm tired and stressed, instead of responding in love and grace, I respond in anger and frustration. Instead of responding in faith, I respond in fear. Instead of displaying gratitude, I display discouragement. Instead of responding with praise to and preoccupation with Him, I respond with self-pity and selfishness. How often I've flunked the test even though I knew all the right answers. Paul put it this way: "So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members." Rom.7:21-23

But here's the thing: my Savior does not respond to me as I did to me son. He never grows discouraged or disgusted. He never sighs and shakes His head or wonder where He went wrong. He never gives up or throws up in His hands in exasperation. O how grateful I am for the Lord Jesus! Again, Paul continued in Romans 7:24-25: "Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin."

I can't do it. I will flunk those tests again and again--apart from the empowering Spirit. But my Savior enables me to do what I know, to pass the tests as I depend upon Him, moment by moment. Daily as I renew my mind in His Word, He will give me the power, when the tests come, to remember and then to act in obedience to what I know.

Thank You Lord for truly doing it all--for saving us and then sanctifying us. Help us to pass the tests that come our way each day as we apply what we know and respond in faith not fear and in obedience to Your Word rather than acquiesce to our feelings. And when we fail, thank You for Your amazing grace. Thank You for being the perfect parent...and for forgiving me when I am such an imperfect parent to the precious ones You have loaned to me. But for this we have Jesus. To God be the glory.

Crowded Kindnesses

At the age of 110, in his final speech to the young nation of Israel, Joshua reminds the Israelites that God "gave you a land on which you had not labored and cities that you had not built, and you dwell in them. You eat the fruit of vineyards and olive orchards that you did not plant." (Joshua 24:13) In other words, it was all by the grace and goodness of God! He gave them the land; He gave them the victories over their enemies; And He gave them the gift of being His chosen people. They did nothing to earn it or deserve it. It was all just an example of the Lord's extravagant, amazing grace and goodness.

How quickly they would forget. How quickly we forget. I am so convicted how problems and pain can allow resentment or a sense of entitlement rush in and rob us of our joy and peace and security in Christ. Rather than complaining when we face health challenges or financial difficulties or relational struggles, we need to press in to the Lord who is the source of everything, absolutely everything we possess and enjoy in our lives. I worry and fret over one of my children...and forget that God in His grace, gave me that precious, eternal little soul. We have one expense after another involving broken, older cars...and forget to thank the Lord for giving us cars and a city where there are roads that we can drive upon and eyes and hands and feet so we have the ability to drive those cars. We have food to eat, friends and family to love, books to read, schools and work to attend, churches in which to worship freely, nature to enjoy...We are so blessed by our extraordinary, extravagant God! Might we look for those superabundant blessings rather than focus upon the few things which we feel we lack.

Alexander Maclaren put it this way: "Seek to cultivate a buoyant, joyous sense of the crowded kindnesses of God in your daily life." Today, help us Jesus to cultivate that sense of Your crowded kindnesses. Help us not to blithely pass them by and thereby miss the wonder of your graciousness and generosity and the overwhelming gratitude it will engender in our hearts. To You be the glory.

A song of sorrow to a psalm of praise

A few nights ago I was really struggling with discouragement over something one of my children was going through that seemed mighty unfair. Now, with the perspective that time so often brings, it seems totally foolish, but at the time, my thoughts were filled with discouragement and frustration. And you know how good we women are at taking a thought and turning and twisting it over and over in our anxious minds so that we are robbed of perspective and joy and wisdom. I went from discouragement over that to dredging up in my mind all the other things I thought I should be worrying about, all the things I was doing wrong, and then plummeting to self-pity and sorrow over missing my dear parents (who have gone home to be with the Lord)....and on and on. Suffice it to say, I went to bed with a very heavy heart.

Mother Teresa once said all our troubles come from looking around rather than up. How true. And there is no better or surer recipe for discouragement and defeat than focusing upon yourself and your circumstances. It's also true that being wrapped up in yourself makes for a very small package!

Early the next morning, I prayed, but still with a heavy and anxious heart. After everyone had left for school, I trudged up the stairs to get the dirty clothes and clean up everyone's messy rooms (a source of great frustration for me the night before). I turned on the radio as I gathered up the clothes and just at that moment, "Revelation Song" began. I don't think words can begin to express what happened, but it was if the Lord pulled back the veil of heaven for just a few moments and I saw the tiniest glimpse of my Savior--and it was utterly overwhelming. "Worthy is the Lamb who was slain. Holy, holy is He. Sing a new song, to Him who sits on heaven's mercy seat." The chorus went on, "Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come. With all creation I sing, Praise to the King of Kings! You are my everything, and I will adore You!"

By now I was down on my knees, weeping tears of joy and wonder, as I caught just a whiff of the glories of heaven and of our Heavenly Savior. "Clothed in rainbows, of living color. Flashes of lightning, rolls of thunder. Blessing and honor, strength and glory and power be, to You the Only Wise King...Filled with wonder, awestruck wonder at the mention of Your Name. Jesus, Your Name is power, Breath, and Living Water, such a marvelous mystery. Holy, holy holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is and is to come. With all creation I sing, Praise to the King of Kings! You are my everything and I will adore You!"

I was overcome with who my Savior is and what He had done. Overcome with the promise of eternity. Overcome with the shame of terrible attitude the night before--I was focused and upset over a little speck of nothingness on a millisecond of time when compared to the infinite worthiness of the Lamb who was slain who we'd be rejoicing over and with for all of eternity in His perfect, glorious Kingdom!

Well, I picked up those dirty clothes and cleaned those rooms with overflowing joy! I came downstairs a totally different woman than the one who had trudged up there a few minutes earlier--worship will do that to you. Have you spent time this week, this day glimpsing the Savior? He is right there waiting to reveal Himself to you in His Word and in your worship, for He loves to come in and transform those hard, dark places in each of our lives--indeed, that is where His glory and greatness and grace shine the brightest. So many of us are struggling with such challenging and even desperate circumstances--seriously ill loved ones, marriages falling apart, prodigal children, teetering finances--but can we put it all in the light of the Savior and eternity? When we choose to praise Him--even in the midst of pain or rejection or betrayal or despair--we will behold Him and know Him and love Him in a whole new and deeper way.

What will you, what will I, think of this challenge or problem or misunderstanding 1000 years from now? Sometimes we need to stop in the midst of whatever we are going through and put on our 1000 year glasses. When we look through those lenses of time, much of what we are enduring right now recedes into the proper perspective. And we will find ourselves replacing a song of sorrow with a psalm of praise to the King of Kings, the Lord God Almighty, the Only Wise King, the Living Water, the Lamb who was slain--for you and for me. O might we breathe your glorious Name with wonder and awe, Lord Jesus, for it is Power!

He truly does make all things new.

O, and by the way, at the end of my room cleaning worship service, the Lord gently whispered into my ear: "And Emily, those parents you were missing and wanting to talk to so badly?...you'll see them again." Thank You Jesus. To You be all the glory!

Spelling II...Only Believe!

Adventures in spelling, Part II! Well, spelling continues to be my 9 year old's arch nemesis...and consequently my arch nemesis as well! This afternoon, I had one of those sifting moments and felt overcome by discouragement and anxiety. As so often happens, it all began with something relatively minor, like a grade in spelling, but then snowballed into a morass of anxiety and self-condemnation. Why can't he do better on a spelling test morphed into thoughts of what it would be like for a 18 year old to still be in 3rd grade and what a terrible mother I must be and, by the way, why is my house so cluttered and why can't I be a better cook, friend, wife...and on and on.

But here is progress: instead of continuing to indulge in my pity party, I went into the living room by myself and opened God's Word and listened to what He says is true rather than my overblown, self-indulgent imagination. Here is what I read: "My God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:19 All your needs--spelling, mothering, housekeeping--not some, not most, not the most pressing, not even the vast majority, but all. I like that word "all!" And when the Lord of the Universe says all, well, then you can bet your bottom dollar on it!

Then I read that I am to "rejoice in the Lord always...Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:4-7. You know, we all know that verse, but if you are half as forgetful as me in moments of stress, you need to be reminded again and again! Again, look at all those words like don't be anxious about "anything" and pray about "everything." Doesn't leave much room for hand-wringing anxiety and mind-numbing fear. I can either take it to my heavenly Father, with thanksgiving, and then trust that He has it or I can keep hanging onto that heavy burden of discouragement and worry. What a choice--yet how often do I make the ludicrous decision to drag that oppressive burden along rather than trustingly hand it to Him?!

Finally I read about "His incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of His mighty strength, which He exerted in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly realms..." Eph. 1:19-20. Now that is power! Is your problem greater than that of raising someone from the dead? We have so many dear friends facing very hard challenges--lost jobs, lost health, lost children. For some of us it may be lost hope or lost strength or lost love.

But God can raise the dead and that "incomparably great power" to raise the utterly dead to life is available to every single one of us who believe! That which is lost can be found and restored...maybe not in the way we planned or imagined but, we can trust, in the ultimately best and perfect way.

Just as I was reading these verses, my husband (who at the same time had been stressing over finances) came in and shared that he had been praying God would give him a word of encouragement for both of us. He had just read this verse on a little plaque in our bathroom: "Be not afraid, only believe." Mark 5:36 But here's the context of this wonderful verse: Jairus, the synagogue ruler, has come to Jesus and asked him to come to his house to heal his desperately ill young daughter. But while they are on their way to Jairus' home, some men sadly inform him that his daughter has died so he need not "bother" (ridiculous concept since we can never "bother" Jesus when we bring Him our heartaches and concerns) Jesus anymore.

"Ignoring what they said, Jesus told the synagogue ruler, 'Be not afraid, only believe.'" Wow! What do you, what do I, need to "ignore" today? Ignore our doubts. Ignore our fears. Ignore our past failures. Ignore those voices within us that would condemn and discourage us. Ignore our failed self-sufficiency. Ignore what the world says. Ignore our fear.

Only believe.

And then Jesus went and raised Jairus' little daughter from the dead. That is "incomparably great power!"

Only believe the One who raises the completely dead to new life. Believe the One who resurrects dead hopes to new life. Believe the One who transforms plain water into new wine, who heals hopeless disease and gives new health, who changes hardened bitter hearts into new and vibrant and living ones. Believe the One who creates the galaxies out of nothing, who feeds multitudes out of a few sardines and a couple of rolls, and who defeated the powers of sin and death by dying on a Roman cross. Believe the One who rose from the dead to new life so that one day we, too, might enjoy abundant eternal life forever.

So whatever you are going through right now, Jesus gently but firmly speaks to you: "Be not afraid, only believe." For behind that belief is the One whose incomparably great power raised the dead to new life. He will bring that power to bear in your life as well--He promised. And you can stake your life on every single one of His promises. To Him be all the glory.

Today!

"This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it." Ps. 118:24

Thank You Lord for Your Word which encourages and convicts and instructs. This is the day...today, the only today I will ever have in this life. The only "today" that God has given me--and it is a gift: a priceless, irreplaceable, once-in-a-lifetime gift that God has bestowed upon His children. Will we choose to rejoice in all that this day brings? Will we live this single day with gladness for the privilege of breathing and walking and eating and laughing and singing another day? Will we choose to rejoice in all the myriad blessings He bestows upon us--our children, our spouses, our homes, our food, our health, our safety, our bodies, our ears and eyes and mouths, our friends? How about the joy of God's eternal, supernatural Word that lights our paths and lightens our burdens? Will we rejoice that He has given us another day to serve Him, to praise Him, to make His Name great? Will our hearts be glad today in that beautiful crimson cardinal or that dear friend's encouraging words or that piece of chocolate or that strain of music or that hug or that swelling of emotion that tells us we are alive?

That laundry that seemed so overwhelming to me this morning, now seems precious for it represents the dearest of lives God has so extravagantly given to me. And I thank Him that I have the strength to lift the basket and the nose to smell the fresh, clean scent of the clean clothes. This busy day that I began weighted down with anxiety and exhaustion, I now see as a gift from His hand for it was filled with people I love and places I am thankful to be able to go to and see.

So Lord, thank You for this most precious of days--as has been said so often: today is a gift--no wonder they call it the present. So if this is my last day, may it be said I rejoiced in this day, in it's people and places and purposes. And if, in the grace of God, He gives me another day, might I rejoice anew in the opportunity to see Him at work and in giving Him glory and in knowing Him just a little bit better than the day before. To God be the glory.

Spelling words!

Sometimes child rearing can be so daily, so grinding, and so frustrating! I've just finished trying to help my 9 year old learn his spelling words--a herculean and highly exasperating exercise in patience--and a few math word problems. Eeeeeek! My husband suggested he might rent me the movie "Forest Gump" so I could be inspired by the patience and unwavering belief of Forest's mother in her son!! Nothing strips away my veneer of gentleness or kindness like spelling words! Unless it's repeating ad nauseum, "No, what IS 3X8?!!!" (not necessarily repeated with a sweet tone of voice).

Of course, I always feel so convicted of my lack of love, my lack of patient endurance, my inability to inspire rather than infuriate. And I'm reminded anew how thankful I am that my Heavenly Father is not such a fickle, easily exasperated parent. He never tires of teaching and encouraging and loving. He doesn't roll his eyes or sigh deeply when I, yet again, forget what I have just learned from His Word. When I blow it or forget it or purposely ignore it, He forgives again and again and is always there to renew and transform my mind and set me back on the right path.

Forgive me Lord for being so forgetful of You and Your Word. And forgive me for being so unlike You as I parent these precious, eternal souls You have so extravagantly given to my husband and me to raise. I'm reminded of the words of Nancy Leigh DeMoss, "Keep your eyes on things that are eternal. Keep your eyes on the finish line and that will give you grace to keep going." Reminds me of my favorite verse, "Fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith...." That truly is the key--fix our eyes on Jesus. When we're tempted to throw in the towel, fix our eyes on Jesus. When we're frustrated or confused or discouraged, fix our eyes on Jesus. When we're empty or exhausted or exasperated, fix our eyes on Jesus. He's been through it all, He's with us in it all, and He promises to somehow, someway bring good out of it all.

So Lord, I'm fixing my eyes on You and keeping my eyes on the prize! To God be the glory.