And then boom—it’s all over.
Don’t you think endings are hard? Especially after something wonderful like Christmas, endings are particularly difficult, because there’s a certain level of grieving associated with any ending in our lives—even though an ending also implies a new beginning of some sort. And I’m learning that I do have to acknowledge that sadness and honor that grief over the ending.
But I’ve always loved how John Piper puts it. “Occasionally, weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. [because we all have disappointments and unmet expectations in life, don’t we?]. Grieve the losses. THEN wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have.”
Here's what that has meant for me these past few weeks: doing some grieving and weeping over a number of various endings and little sorrows in my life. These endings are nothing compared to those that some of our dear friends are confronting and grieving right now, and I completely recognize and acknowledge that. And I thank God that He has given me a small measure of that grief and allowed me to experience a taste of that sorrow, which then prompts me to continually cry out in prayer on behalf of those I love who are hurting.
But still, for each of us, endings are endings...and all endings, even those micro-sorrows, still cause pain and sadness. This planet is a magnificent place, and this life is a luminous gift every single day--praise God. But it's still a place full of brokenness, disappointment, separation, death, disease. None of us escapes it.
So here are a few of those micro-sorrows, those minor--but still painful for me--endings I've been confronting--Christmas being over; children leaving town; taking down our lovely tree and putting away all our beloved Christmas stuff (and my cherished nativities!); thinking about and missing loved ones who have gone home to heaven (this time of year always seems to really bring those feelings out); and our last child leaving home and heading off to college. Grieving the end of having children in our home full-time and coming home to a much quieter, empty house, well, that's a real thing, and it's just plain hard. Not to mention this all means having to buckle down and do the hard and disciplined work of preparing for Bible study lectures (which is a joy but is also just plain hard, time-consuming, and often lonely work).
But here’s what really changed my whole perspective and allowed me to move from sadness over the ending to hope and anticipation for the future: choosing to open God’s Word—even when I didn’t feel like it!—and to read and meditate on His Word. And here’s one of the things I read—
“Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall! My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. BUT THIS I CALL TO MIND AND THEREFORE I HAVE HOPE: THE STEADFAST LOVE OF THE LORD NEVER CEASES, HIS MERCIES ARE NEW EVERY MORNING, GREAT IS YOUR FAITHFULNESS. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in Him.’ The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.” Lam.3:19-26
(I wrote about this passage a few weeks ago, since it was one of Nancy McDougal's favorites, and she read it every morning. I loved that, and I've been trying to do the same. Thank you, sweet Nancy! I rejoice that your faith is now made sight.)
I thought I’d share with you what I wrote in response to these wonderful verses after I read them that particular morning:
Lord, right now, I’m choosing to CALL TO MIND You and what Your Word says—Your steadfast love never ceases, great is Your faithfulness, Your mercies are new every morning (and evening and afternoon!). Lord, I have the choice to meditate on my sadnesses and worries and grow anxious, discontent, and miserable OR to meditate on You and Your goodness and Your myriad gifts to me. So help me to do this now and teach me, by faith, to recognize Your voice and to run to You.
And this is laid out so clearly in Psalm 1 (The psalm we’re studying the first week of Bible study.) There are only two ways and two types of people: the righteous person who is blessed delights in your Word and meditates on it day and night. She is like a tree planted by streams of water and all she does prospers. Or the wicked person who walks, then stands, then sits with the wicked, sinners, and scoffers and will be like chaff that’s blown away.
But here’s the thing: when I’m focusing on what I’m lacking rather than my Lord, when I’m complaining rather than praising, when I’m fretting and worrying rather than trusting and worshipping by faith, then I’m living like the wicked, unbelieving man! I’m living like a spiritual amnesiac. And we FORGET!!
I couldn't help but think of the example of the Old Testament prophet Elijah. He had just blown away the prophets of Baal and seen a supernatural display of God's power in sending consuming fire from heaven to his altar that was soaked with water. Wow! But then, immediately after that, there was no spiritual revival in Israel and wicked old queen Jezebel was utterly unfazed. In fact, she declared that she was coming after Elijah and was determined to have him killed. So what did Elijah do? Did he remember God's astounding display of supernatural power he'd just experienced? Wouldn't you think he would've laughed at Jezebel and declared, "Bring it on! You're nothing compared to my mighty God!" Uh, no! Elijah immediately despaired of his very life! He basically asked God to kill him! That's how quickly Elijah forget all about what God had done...and that’s me Lord! How quickly I forget who You are and all You’ve done!
So I have to DAILY be reminded! I have to have my mind renewed everyday by Your Word (Rom.12:1-2), because I forget and fall into wrong and destructive habits of thinking and then acting. “Praising is a battle for our minds before it’s an act of our hearts.” (Ruth Simons) I must CHOOSE to rejoice, and I do that by examining the Word and meditating on it! And that fosters joy—joy just bubbles up!
But it all begins with the battle to open the Word, read it, think about it and believe it. Proclaim it. Read it out loud. That’s why we have verses around our house—so we’re swimming in an atmosphere of God’s supernatural Word, and when we struggle to believe with our feelings, we can believe with our faith. By proclaiming it even when there’s a struggle with it in my heart. (Another diversion--but how about the guys marching around Jericho? Don’t you wish you could have read their thoughts!! Surely many, if not all of them, thought, “No way this is gonna work Joshua! We look like fools. What on earth?” I bet many of them were frightened, thinking not only how ridiculous they looked but also what easy pickings they were for the enemy to just wipe out as they marched around the walls of Jericho completely unarmed. But they ACTED on God’s Word despite their feelings! They trusted in His Word more than they trusted in their fickle emotions and hearts.)
Whew! Sorry for all that rambling, but I figured I'd just share what I wrote!
But here’s my point for each of us for this new year and new decade. Choose daily to go to God’s Word. First ask Him to give you the desire to read it and to delight in it. He’s the One who can give that to you. And then, no matter whether you feel like it or not, choose daily to make the time in your schedule—and there is ALWAYS time! We have to eat and brush our teeth don’t we? We have time to read His Word!—choose to read it and then to meditate on it…meaning think about it, chew on it throughout the day. Maybe write it down and keep it with you and ponder what it means for your life. We know how to worry so that means we know how to meditate—when you worry, you roll things around in your mind over and over and think about it incessantly, right? Well, flip the switch and instead of fretting and worrying, put God’s Word in there and cogitate and think about that! Churn the Word not your worries!
Yes, grieve the endings...but then go to the Word. Listen to His voice of love, grace, peace, hope. And as Piper says, wash your face, trust God, and embrace the life you have, the life He has given you. He is making all things new. Even the hardest of endings. He's promised in His Word...and I trust Him.
To God be the glory.
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