Whew. I've forgotten... can someone remind me again about the mountains?
We've been back in the valley for a day or so and that mountain mentality took a momentary hiatus. This morning we took our daughter, Janie, to the airport at 3:30 a.m.--yes, that is A.M., as in she had to be at the airport at 3:30 IN THE MORNING IN A RAGING THUNDERSTORM! There is nothing like going to bed, knowing that you must get up by 3:00. Trust me, you don't sleep a wink, certain every 15 minutes that it must already be time to rise and shine--in the pitch black dark--only to groggily glimpse the clock at 12:50, 1:15, 1:33 and on and on.
We were all a bit grouchy as we staggered out the kitchen door at 3:15 (and our dog, Moses, looked throughly confused--"Is it time for my walk and breakfast already? Why aren't you taking me? I think I must be hungry.") There are many advantages, however, to a 3:30 a.m. arrival time at the airport: no traffic, incredibly quiet and peaceful, and plenty of parking to boot. It was lovely... except for the driving rain and blinding lightning and eardrum-splitting thunder.
But we made it in plenty of time to meet the rest of Janie's fellow travelers. A group of 16 folks from our church is going to Kenya for a two week mission trip where they will be staying at an orphanage and helping out at various orphanages, prisons and schools. She is awfully excited, and we are so thankful she will have this amazing opportunity to serve the Lord Jesus and see Him active and at work in such a beautiful yet challenging part of the world. Thank You Lord!
By the way, did I mention that when we got to the airport at 3:30 a.m., their plane had been cancelled due to mechanical problems?
Life is full of surprises... and I'm learning that I don't always respond in the most wonderful, godly way to some surprises.
The cancellation of the first flight meant that the group would miss their next flight out of Washington, D.C.... and then their next flight out of Ethiopia... and then their next flight into Kenya. All they had to do was reschedule 16 people with all their boxes of supplies for the villages (containing everything from school supplies to medical supplies to clothes for the children) and somehow miraculously get them all into Kenya through a seemingly infinite number of flight changes and connections. Sigh.
Suffice it to say, it was a long morning. We drove out to the airport three separate times this morning--all before 7:45a.m. We left the airport and returned home the first time after learning that the airlines had rescheduled the group, and they were due to fly out shortly. Yeah! But as soon as we got home, our daughter called from the airport to say things had fallen through, and they weren't leaving until tomorrow--joy, we get to go to the airport the next day at 3:30 AGAIN. So, I drove back out to the airport to pick her up... only to learn that the airlines might have worked out another set of flights and could I just circle around the airport for a while. No problem--I love driving around the airport at 6:00 a.m. while trying to stay awake and pray that the Lord would bless their trip and somehow allow them to get out of Raleigh today.
After 25 minutes of circling, great news: they had it worked out and were flying out in a few minutes! Thank You Lord! I drive back home praising Jesus for answered prayer... and grateful that I still had time to exercise and take a long, hot shower before church. Life is good.
That is, until I arrived home, walked in the door and the phone rings. The flights fell through again, and they are definitely not leaving until tomorrow. I need to drive back out to the airport and pick up my daughter. Not good for our carbon footprint.
This is where the story gets ugly. Because at this point, I no longer have a "mountain mentality." Mountains, peace, trust, butterflies and sunrises, walking with the Good Shepherd beside still waters--forgotten all about it. Choosing my response to my circumstances? Remembering that I can choose my attitude? Yep, I thought about it, as I grumbled and fumed on my drive back out to the airport for the third time. This time, I'm ashamed to say, I fretted and fussed to the Lord. "Why, Lord? Why couldn't You answer our prayers for this mission trip? This group is going to serve You! And they are encountering nothing but roadblocks and difficulties and setbacks."
Here's where you may want to stop reading--because, truth be told, the one who was really inconvenienced and frustrated and disappointed with God was not those dear 16 souls going to Africa, but selfish, shallow me. Sure, this has been one hard day for our mission group, but there I sat in the comfort of my car, my air-conditioning, my safety, my abundance, my family, and I had a complaining, ungrateful, untrusting heart. O Lord, forgive me. How I hate my sinful love of comfort and my selfish desire to have everything go according to my plans and my desires.
Well, by the time I arrived at the airport for the third time, my daughter called again and told me to circle around since they might have worked it out yet again! By this time, I'm a pro at airport circling--maybe this could be a future career opportunity. So, after refueling my car (all that driving back and forth and circling, it turns out, is not ideal for a gas-guzzling Suburban), and, what else, circling, I learned that the group was dividing up and flying on all sorts of different flights at all different times, but, Lord willing, would all end up in Kenya by tomorrow sometime. My daughter was flying with 4 other folks to Cleveland, then to Newark, then to Zurich, then to Kenya. Geez.
Well, sheepishly, I asked the Lord to forgive me for my temper tantrum with Him a few minutes earlier and thanked Him for His faithfulness and grace in getting the group on it's (convuluted) way. I drove back home again, and when I stumbled in the door, Moses looked at me as if to say, "Boy, you really are confused today. But maybe it's time for my third breakfast, don't you think?"
So, right about now, my daughter is somewhere in the air over... somewhere. I'm not exactly sure, though I think they have gotten as far as Newark, praise God! I'm learning to let go of control, since I'm also learning that I really don't have control anyway--but He does. And the bottom line is: do I trust Him? Do I trust Him when the flight is cancelled and our plans are disrupted? Do I trust Him when life seems to be taking an unplanned detour or an unscheduled "bend in the road?"
Because if I truly trust Him, then I will rest in Him and His plans and His ways. I will rejoice in Him even when my circumstances are not exactly as I had hoped or dreamed, because He is worthy and He always knows best. I will follow Him, because He is my faithful, perfect, trustworthy Good Shepherd. "My sheep hear My voice, and I know then, and they follow Me. And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand." (John 10:27-28) O, Lord Jesus, help us to hear, help us to follow, and thank You for holding us securely in Your love-scarred hands, even when we totally don't deserve it. Aren't you thankful it's all about Him and His grace and not about us and our "good deeds" (which truly are nothing more than filthy rags)?
Lord, this sometimes wayward, selfish, silly sheep is following! Forgive me for forgetting to listen for Your voice... and for failing to follow You thankfully and trustingly. But I'm back Lord! After a brief detour of ingratitude and selfish irritability, this sheep is seeking to follow her Good Shepherd and trust that He will lead her and her loved ones into His green pastures, still waters, and paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Jesus--You lead, we'll follow with joy and trust... and thank You for Your grace when we sometimes forget. To God be the glory.
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