Fell off the wagon yesterday--the joy wagon. The faith wagon. And it wasn't pretty, though I guess it'd been a long time coming.
It's been a challenging, tough summer. The tragic deaths of several children of friends left many of us reeling in sorrow and bewilderment. Ever since nearly losing Janie, it seems that I feel the pain of loss for others far more deeply and personally. I'm thankful in a way, for I long to be able to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. That's what we are called to do, and I praise God for the gift of strong feelings and of being fully alive--to the joys and the sorrows. But it makes the pain harder, more searing, and I feel it's weight far more than I ever did before.
And then there were all the other lesser, but still difficult, losses: the death of sweet old Moses and the huge void our family feels without him. The wreck in Kenya that injured our son, Richard, and several others on their mission trip. Add to that all the anxieties that accident dredged up for us--though, again, we praise God for saving them all.
And finally, it's been a tough summer of golf for one of our boys. He has worked so hard, tried and tried and never given up...even when the results don't seem to come. What an example he has been to me of refusing to give in to discouragement and frustration. I think I would have. He hasn't. Thank You, Father, that You choose to teach us through our children. And thank You for his indomitable spirit that keeps on trying and trusting.
Seriously, how else would we ever learn what it means to persevere unless we have difficulties and long, hard, challenges to slog through? I know I'd prefer for my loved ones to tip-toe through the tulips and dance along happy, care-free, pain-free, and successful paths. But then they'd have the staying power of mushrooms rather than mighty oak trees. Praise You, Father, that You know so much better and You love so much deeper and greater. You won't allow us to settle for fleeting happiness when You want us to enjoy the infinite and eternal joys of holiness.
So all this is to say, I fell off the wagon yesterday. Quite simply I told the Lord I was angry with Him. I didn't feel His peace. I didn't understand His plan. I doubted His love. And, by the way, I was tired and grumpy and sad and frustrated and overwhelmed with all I had to do. So there.
Guess what? He didn't strike me down dead for my extraordinary lack of gratitude. He could have. He should have. But He didn't. Because He simply never ever gives up on us. Never leaves us when we fall. Never forsakes us when we fail. Never ignores us when we whine.
Instead, He loves and teaches and encourages and empowers and renews through His Spirit and His Word. He lifts up our weary gaze to His glorious throne. He reminds us of His never-failing grace. And He speaks to our discouraged hearts and breathes in renewed hope and strength and, yes, joy.
Here's what I read in yesterday's Daily Light: "The Lord will not cast off forever. Though He causes grief, yet He will show compassion." (Lam.3:31-32) And "'Do not fear...' says the Lord, 'for I am with you....I will not make a complete end of you. I will rightly correct you.'" (Jer.46:28) And "'With a little wrath I hid My face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you,' says the Lord, your Redeemer. 'For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but My kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace be removed,' says the Lord, who has mercy on you. 'O you afflicted one, tossed with the tempest and not comforted, behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems, and lay your foundations with sapphires.'" (Isa.54:7-8)
That's our God and there is none other.
He is the Redeemer and Restorer and Reviver of our weary souls.
And He is our Burden-Bearer...every single burden, every sin, every sorrow. He has borne them all and will bear them all...from the cross to your present moment of weakness or pain or frustration...and all the way into eternity.
Anybody else need a little reminding today? Might the balm of His Word restore your hope. Might the power of His Spirit strengthen your heart. And might the contemplation of His mercy, grace, and love revive your spirit.
As Ann Voskamp says, "The answer to anxiety is the adoration of Christ." O come let us adore Him...and find ourselves back on the wagon of faith and joy! To God be the glory.
No comments:
Post a Comment