How do you fill in the gap?

Whew. Back home to sultry days and laundry and school forms and phone calls. Boy, reentry is challenging. How I miss having no schedule and instead just heading out to the beach with all our crew, our only worry making sure we have the Frisbee, sunscreen, chairs and, of course, books. Bonhoeffer has to wait while I run to the grocery store again, clean up the house again, run errands, run children places... and on and on. But I still thank God for this sometimes crazy, busy, life so full of things to do and people to love.

As I thought back to the beach, though, I recall a sermon by Andy Stanley I heard on my ipod that has really stuck with me. He was speaking on relationships and said that in every relationship, there will come a time when there will be a gap between your expectations and the other person's behavior. You expect and hope that, for instance, your husband or wife will get home on time or take you on romantic vacations. But then that person comes home late again and again or never takes the initiative or the time or the money to take that get away... hence the gap between your expectations and the other person's behavior. Stanley explained that one of the keys to great relationships is what you put into that gap. Do you fill the gap with negative thoughts? e.g. She is always late. She doesn't care a lick for my feelings. She was probably just wasting time window shopping instead of getting home. Or do you fill with gap with positive assumptions? e.g. She must have had something really urgent come up at work that she simply couldn't avoid. I know she is trying hard to get home and is doing the absolute best she can with all she had to do, etc.

God's Word encourages us to fill the gap with that which is positive, affirming, and encouraging. In I Cor. 13 we are told that agape love is "patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." I Cor. 13:4-7

So how you doing?! Pretty humbling stuff, isn't it, when you really ask yourself if that is the nature of your love for your spouse, your children, your in-laws, or that loved one who might be irritating or disappointing you. But as to what we put in the gap between expectation and behavior--God's love "always trusts, always hopes." In other words, that kind of love fills the gap with the positive, with believing and hoping the best of the other person. Yet, how often do we do just the opposite? Especially us women--we start to let our imaginations run wild with all the terrible possibilities and the next thing you know, we feel irritated, discouraged, frustrated, and disappointed. Our husbands walk in the room and either we let them have it or give them the Arctic chill treatment, and they have absolutely no idea why! It's all because we have filled in the gap with our selfish, unloving, unkind, negative assumptions rather than with positive, believing-the-best assumptions. The same applies to our relationships with our children or others God has put into our lives. Will we believe and hope the best or will we fill in the gap with our worst assumptions and fears? It all begins with our thoughts and then those thoughts produce attitudes and actions. Boy, the brain is a powerful relationship tool!

Everyone is home now so that's it for now. Lord, help us to fill in the gap with that which is pleasing and good and noble and to You be the glory.