Older!

The other day, several of our children and my husband, Richard, and I went to get passports. I actually have a passport... but it expired a mere 33 years ago! Good grief, I am old as dirt. My husband kindly pointed out that middle age is typically considered up until the age of 39--meaning we are no longer middle age but now in the old age category. Fortunately I googled this horrifying misinformation and was able to correct him. Happily, we are still firmly in the middle age category, with a few years to spare. Whew, what a relief. Who ever thought one could be happy to be considered middle aged.

But getting back to the passport, the photograph, o my stars, my photograph clearly fell into the might-terrify-young-children classification. When I glimpsed with horror the ancient face peering back at me from the photo, I was stunned. "Please tell me I don't look like this!" I told my family. "O no, you don't look like that at all," was the kind but completely untrue answer. Right, sure. I just had my picture taken for this passport the day before yesterday at the UPS store, but I'm sure it doesn't actually reflect my youthful good looks. Wonder what was wrong with that camera? Funny how the children's photographs looked great and seemed like a mighty accurate reflection.

The problem is, that is exactly how I look! And that is OLD. But the bottom line: I'm just thankful to still be here, to still be able to love and laugh and share and move. "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving an eternal weight of glory that far exceeds them all." 2Cor.4:16-17 How thankful I am that what you see on the outside is not what really matters. That even as my outer man wastes away, shrivels up (or expands as the case may be), wrinkles, goes gray... my inner man is growing and and being renewed and redeemed every single day. And all the struggles and stains and disappointments and sorrows of this life will be seen as helping us achieve "an eternal weight of glory that far exceeds" anything we've had to endure.

So even with the approach of old age, how thankful I am to serve a God who redeems and restores and renews and makes all things new. I'm tired. I'm forgetful. I'm wrinkled. But I'm His girl. And He is mine. And I trust that He is building and renewing in a deeper and eternal way. To God, the Restorer and Renewer, be the glory.

Grateful

Brennan Manning once wrote: "The foremost quality of a trusting disciple is gratefulness." I have continued to be challenged and encouraged by the lyrical book, One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voscamp. And I continue to be amazed at how quickly and effortlessly I can slide into ingratitude. Sure, we think of things like sorrow and tragedy and hardship as enemies of a grateful heart. But just as deadly, perhaps more so, are busyness and exhaustion born of rushing and relentless accomplishment and frenzy. Somehow I must find the time... I must make the time, to be still before God. Take the time to savor the evening sky and the twinkle in my child's eye and the smell of pine needles. How can I be grateful unless I slow down enough to truly see and then to verbalize my thankfulness?

Rather than complaining about hauling all the Christmas decorations back up the stairs (and isn't it always sad putting them away for a year?), I could choose to thank the Lord for the gift of another year to celebrate His birth with my dear family. Rather than grumble about the mountains of laundry, I could choose gratitude for the gift of loved ones, and for the fact they have clothes, and for the water and soap and washing machine in which to wash them. Rather than slogging through the preparation and clean up of another meal, I can rejoice that we have food to eat--and even such an abundance of food that we can choose what to eat--and a warm, safe house in which to eat, and a table with chairs and loved ones with which to share our meal.

If the Creator and Sustainer of the heavens and the earth could pick up a towel and wash filthy feet, how can I complain about serving and loving those dearest to me? I always love looking at a little sticky note I have over my kitchen sink: "I am here to serve with joy." How I need that reminder! How prone I am to want to be served rather than to serve. But it is in loving and serving others that we discover joy and peace. And in choosing to serve with gratitude in our hearts, we find that joy suddenly bubbling up and splashing all over us.

But we have to choose. Choose to serve and love. And choose to be grateful. It's just that simple. Choose thanksgiving. There simply is no pit too deep, no valley too wide that gratitude cannot be the ladder or the bridge that pulls us up out of the muck and mire.

So today I choose gratefulness. Thank You Lord for Christmas. Thank You for children and for friends and for the chores that remind us of full lives and of loved ones for whom we have the privilege to serve and help. Thank You for the bracing cold weather of winter and the change of seasons. Thank You for fresh starts--and that each new day is the opportunity to begin anew. Thank You that You never ever give up on us. Thank You for laughter. Thank You for tears and for the gift of emotions so that we can feel deeply, even when it hurts. Thank You for food... especially chocolate. You really did some good work when You made chocolate! Thank You for friends and the joy and richness they bring to our lives. Thank You for the beauty of this world that sometimes takes our breath away with it's lushness and wonder and variety. Thank You for our differences that keeps life lively and interesting. Thank You for music. Thank you for the warmth of home and for a light in the darkness. Thank You for books. And thank You for the greatest gift of all--for the Lord Jesus and for His love that is greater and deeper and wider than we could ever hope or imagine or dream. In response to so many blessings, might we have hearts that overflow with gratitude and love. To God be the glory.

Come to His Word

The other day I read something by John Piper that really resonated with me. He talked of waking up some mornings "feeling fragile. Vulnerable. It's often vague. No single threat. No one weakness. Just an amorphous sense that something is going to go wrong and I will be responsible. It's usually after a lot of criticism." I can relate, as I'm sure many of us can. But for me, the fragility translates into more of a sense of discouragement, of recognizing how consistently I seem to miss the mark in so many areas of my life: not a good enough mother or wife or sister or friend; not a good enough cook or organizer (there's that dreadful clutter again) or volunteer or Christian or... just fill in the blank. It's funny how often these times of discouragement or that vague sense of fragility or vulnerability can follow times of blessing or victory: a wonderful visit with all the children home and then when they leave, discouragement can set in. Accomplishing something good or big or necessary and then, seemingly, out of nowhere that vague sense of defeat.

The causes vary wildly, but that feeling of fragility or disappointment or discouragement steals our joy, our peace, our hope. But I love Piper's comment on how God has graciously dealt with his fragility over the years: "By desperate prayer and particular promises. I agree with Spurgeon: I love the 'I wills' and the 'I shalls' of God. Instead of letting me sink into a paralysis of fear, or run into a mirage of greener grass, He has awakened a cry for help and then answered with a concrete promise."

Amen! How I thank and praise God for His Word that is filled with so many glorious "I wills" and "I shalls!" (More on this in a later blog). There have been so many times when I would open His Word after struggling with my inadequacies, and there is a magnificent promise from my Omnipotent Lord, reminding me that I am inadequate, but He is not. I am weak, but He is strong. I am changeable and inconsistent, but He is changeless and eternal. I am sinful, but He is holy and clothes me with His robes of righteousness. I am anxious and fretful, but He is the Prince of Peace. I am disordered, but He is perfect order. I am always running behind, but He is always right on time, infinitely and always the eternal "I Am." I am critical and unkind, but He is Grace, amazing Grace. I am empty and discontent, but in Him is fullness of joy. I am thirsty, but from Him flow endless springs of life giving water. And He tells me again and again and again in His Word of His love, His grace, His forgiveness, His joy, His peace, His power, His endless and perfect provision.

I couldn't help but think of one of my very favorite quotes from Tim Keller: "We are more sinful than we ever imagined, but we are more loved than we ever dreamed." Isn't that the message behind His Word? Every time we come to Him in His Word, we come empty and defeated and discouraged. And He tells us of His love and grace and power and provision. We come hungry, and we leave abundantly full and satisfied. We come discouraged, and we leave encouraged. We come defeated, and we leave confident in His ultimate victory.

Thank You Lord for Your Word and for never ever leaving us mired in our fragility and fear and failure. Thank You that when we come in our emptiness and desperation, You always fill us and strengthen us and love us. Right where we are. Right as we are. In the words of John Piper: "Cry out to Him. Then ransack the Bible for His appointed promise. We are fragile. But He is not." To our Almighty, all powerful, all sufficient Savior, be the glory.

Birdbaths and 2012

The dawn of a new year. How thankful I am that we serve a God of new beginnings, a Lord of 2nd chances, a Savior of resurrection. Yesterday, on the last day of my One Year Bible, I read these words from Revelation 21:5-6 "And He who was seated on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new.' Also He said, 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.' And He said to me, 'It is done! I am the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end.'" He is "making all things new," because He is the God of resurrection and redemption and renewal and revival! He is the Omega--He was at the end of 2011 and brought us through all the ups and downs of the past year. What a faithful Savior! And He is the Alpha and our Beginning right here at the very genesis of this new and unknown year. We have no idea what challenges and blessings this new year may hold, but He knows and He holds us with infinite love and security.

So thank You Lord for another year to love You and serve You and glorify You. Another opportunity to make much of You and to make Your Name known. And another opportunity to love those You have placed in our lives and in our paths. The older I get, the more I realize that unless I am loving You and loving others, then I might as well be that clanging, useless gong referred to by Paul in 1 Corinthians 13. I can talk about it all day long. I can write about it. I can do and do and do, but if I'm not truly loving God and the people in my path, I'm just taking up valuable space and of no use to God or anybody else. O Lord, help me to love! Help my life this year to make an eternal difference not just by the things I do and say (though I pray that would be so as well) but by the way I love.

It's so easy to waste your time and ultimately your life, isn't it? You sit down to catch up on emails and the next thing you know, you've surfed the web and chased down rabbit trails and gone off on tangents and your morning is gone. Or you spend hours organizing your stuff--because you have far too much stuff so that it requires hours to organize it! (I'm the founding member of Clutter's Anonymous) We veg in front of the TV or flip through catalogues or shop for more stuff we don't need, and our time ticks away, never to be reclaimed. Forgive us Lord! I'm always so challenged by Ps.90:12 "Teach us to number our days aright that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Teach us Lord! Help us this year to truly use our days and our hours and our minutes in ways that will stand the test of time. Help us to use our time to love You and to love people rather than to love ourselves and love things.

I was so challenged the other day when I heard a story told by David Roper in a sermon given 32 years ago. Listen to his words:

"I was walking across the Stanford campus a few weeks back and I saw a birdbath under a bush. The bush covered it so I could hardly see it. It was a very unusual birdbath. I usually don't pay much attention to birdbaths. I'm not a bird and I didn't particularly need a bath. The thing that struck me about this birdbath was that it was very ornate, carved from one piece of marble, a very delicate and lovely work of art. It had a slender fluted column and a little carved basin on the top.

Some of you may have seen it. Obviously its construction had required a lot of work. Someone had invested months in that little project. But this unusual and lovely object had fallen into disuse. The bowl was full of stagnant water. Even the birds had abandoned it and the gardeners had allowed it to become overgrown with bushes. I went away from that encounter thinking about the man who had made it--the hours, the effort, dedication, and energy he had invested in that forgotten, useless birdbath. And as I walked away I asked from my heart, "'Please, Lord, don't let me make birdbaths. Don't let me invest my life where it does not count and spend my time and energy on enterprises that are valueless in your eyes.'"

O Lord Jesus, help me not to be preoccupied with making (or storing or collecting or prizing) "birdbaths." There are so many birdbaths in my life--all the things I seem to love more than My Savior. All the activities that steal my energy and ultimately my joy. All the trifling ways I waste my time. All the things I do that might be "good" but that prevent me from doing the "best." How many times have I needed to get upstairs and read Bible stories and books with my youngest child, but I get mired in emails or cleaning the kitchen or straightening up some mess and I miss that golden opportunity to love my child and spend precious moments with him. Or I get up early in the morning but get sidetracked unloading the dishwasher which leads me to some other chore and suddenly I have no time to spend loving and being loved and taught and guided by the God of the universe. Or I waste time and money on more stuff I don't need rather than spend that time and money on helping and encouraging and loving other people. Birdbaths!

This year may it be different! Might we truly number our days aright to gain a heart of wisdom--a heart that overflows with gratitude and joy and love for God and for people. Might we use our days in serving and loving Him and them. Might we live each day to make it our masterpiece for the glory of God. We might have failed in the past--but we serve a God who makes all things new! I've always heard "God works best in a graveyard." He delights to take that which seems hopeless and dead and beyond repair and give it new life, new hope, new purpose. Hand Him your birdbaths. And ask Him to enable you to live each day in 2012 no longer making birdbaths but making Him and His Name great and glorious as You love Him and then love others. To God be the glory.

Elfie and Home

At the cusp of this new year, I want to look back one last time and thank the Lord for Christmas. I think back a few weeks ago when I vented about Elfie, our "Elf on the Shelf." Elfie truly could be the bane of my existence during the Christmas season as I repeatedly forgot to move him, wrote cryptic notes like "Mv E" meaning "move elf" (hence indecipherable to my 10 year old--but then sadly to me as well since I couldn't remember what they meant), or suddenly gasped while walking the dog that I had forgotten yet again to move him. I complained to myself, why on earth have we added yet one more thing to keep up with on top of everything else during the busy season?

But on the last night Elfie would be with us until next year, he sent our child a pack of chicklets gum. And that night, as I prepared to put good old Elfie away, I noticed our son had placed two sticks of gum in Elfie's arms as a present for Elfie to take home. I got my daughter to take a picture of it as a tiny reminder of the wonder of Christmas and why the effort is worth it. I know that this is probably Elfie's last Christmas with a little one in our home who still believes that Santa is coming and that elves can come visit. That time is coming to a close, but, boy, it's been fun having young children in the home at Christmas. Even now, I think he believes because he wants to believe even while knowing it's not about jolly old Saint Nick or elves or presents. It's about the Savior coming, for in the words of Eugene Peterson's paraphrase of John 1, Jesus "came and moved into the neighborhood."

May we never ever get over the wonder of that. A Sovereign, Almighty God moved into our neighborhood out of His infinite love for us. He came and made His home with us. Isn't that one of the things we all love about Christmas--being home for Christmas? One of the most popular Christmas songs of all time is "I'll be Home for Christmas." And as our children grow up, we realize that the time is coming all too soon when they will not all be home for Christmas. They may be in far away places and can't come home or be married and have to go visit the in-laws (a concept I don't like even with no in-laws in the picture yet since I always want my children with us!)

But even the realization that they will not always be "home" with us makes the time with them that more precious. Ever notice how many of our favorite Christmas carols are sung in a minor key? O come O come Emmanuel, Lo how a Rose ere Blooming, etc. are all in minor keys. Why is that, I wonder, since Christmas is such an unbelievably joyous celebration? Perhaps, it's the reminder to us all that this is not our home. Christ came and made this His home so that one day we could go to our true Home with Him.

I couldn't help but think of one of my favorite songs "Blessings" by Laura Story. The words of the chorus are profound:

What if your blessings come through raindrops

What if your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You're near

And what if the trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise....

Then near the end of the song, she adds:

What if the greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy

And what if the trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise.

Isn't it so true? We so often ultimately see God's glory, His grace, His love as never before in our times of waiting, our times of disappointment, even our times of sorrow. Our children grow up and we treasure each moment with them far more now, because we know those moments will not last forever. My next door neighbor told me the other day that their 3 grown children had all been home for Christmas for 5 days. He said he had told his wife, "I don't think I've ever seen you happier." Because it happens rarely now, these parents truly knew the joy of having all their children home for Christmas.

Our home was wild and busy this Christmas. Lots of laundry, lots of mess, lots of cooking and cleaning, but I knew deep in my heart that it would not always be so. Someday Elfie would stay in the box. Someday I wouldn't have to stay up until all hours on Christmas Eve and get up at the crack of dawn on Christmas Day. Someday I wouldn't have to clean up the kitchen 14 times a day. Someday the floor would stay clean and the counters uncluttered. And then I would remember these crazy Christmases with longing but also with gratitude and joy. And with the wonder of the privilege of celebrating the birth of my Savior with this imperfect, untidy, but beautiful blessing of a family.

Somehow, it awakes in me a longing and a gratitude for my true Home. For this is not my home. This is not your home. And the joy and wonder of Christmas reminds us every year that our Savior made it His home so we could make our home with Him forever. So thank You Lord Jesus for Christmas. Thank You for coming. Thank You that one day You will take us Home. But until then, thank You for the gift of celebrating Your coming with the friends and family we love so imperfectly but so dearly. To You, our True Home, be all the glory.

Sharing the Song of Salvation

Whew, we made it all the way to the 12th day of Christmas! (and only 2 days after Christmas is over--sort of reflective of my life!) "On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love sent to me 12 drummers drumming." I immediately thought of one of my favorite Christmas books (and movies) "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." The Grinch complained in agony about the Who's Christmas celebration: "...all the Who girls and boys would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their toys! And then! Oh the noise! Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise! That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!" Boy, wonder what he'd think about 12 drummers drumming?

Sure, drums are mighty loud, but isn't there just something joyful about the sound of drumming? It's hard not to start tapping your toes when you hear a talented drummer really going at it! (just maybe not in my house) And what a difference drums make to any song or orchestral piece. You might not really notice their part, since often it's just a part of the musical piece--and a background part at that. But take those drums away from the piece, and the music is clearly lacking something and loses much of it's power and effect.

In this song, the 12 drummers represent the band of believers--including each of us--who can and must sing the song of salvation to the world. Like the drummers, we all have a part to play and without each of us, something will be missing. What a song we have to share! How can we not share it with joy and gratitude to a desperate world?

Just think of the joy of all the music of Christmas--I'm ready to put on Christmas CD's at the beginning of October! And so often when I hear certain Christmas carols, they take me back to certain clear, precious memories from my past. Just the other day on Christmas Eve, I heard the carol "Lo How a Rose ere Blooming." I was immediately taken back to all the Christmas Eve nights where my family would gather around an old organ in our house, and my wonderful sister, Jane, would play all the old carols and we would all sing along. This carol was always one of our very favorites--and Jane always played this one particularly brilliantly, I must say! What a gift we have in Christmas music and how much it adds to our celebration of our Savior's birth.

Join the band to share the stupendous Good News of the Gospel! Again, Dr. Suess had it right. The part of Christmas the Grinch hated the most was the Who's Christmas song: "And THEN They'd do something he liked least of al! Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing. They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Who's would start singing!"

Certain he would stop Christmas by stealing every last visage of Christmas, the Grinch eagerly listened to hear the sound of the Who's weeping and moaning at their missing presents and food and decorations. "But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry! It couldn't be so! But it was merry! Very! He stared down in Who-ville! The Grinch popped his eyes! Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise! Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, was singing! Without any presents at all! He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME! Somehow or other it came just the same!"

O rats, I just have to keep going now! "'It came without ribbons! It came without tags! it came without packages, boxes or bags!' And he puzzled 3 hours, till his puzzler was sore, Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! 'Maybe Christmas,' he thought, 'doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas... perhaps...means a little bit more!'"

Aren't you glad?! Aren't you overwhelmed with gratitude that Christmas has nothing to do with creating the Martha Stewart meal or the Norman Rockwell home and memories or the most perfect gifts for family and friends? Because we all (well, at least me) fail at all that every single year! I have yet to come even remotely close to my ridiculous expectations for the marvelous, spiritual, organized, perfect Christmas that exists only in magazines and my mind.

It will NEVER happen. And that's okay, because we're not called to create the perfect Christmas. We're called to join the band and share the joyous song of salvation to a dark world desperate for the Truth. We're called to love others with the love of Christ. We're called to forgive and forbear in the grace of Christ. We're called to be fruitful for Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit. We're called to be joyous and grateful in sharing the song of salvation every single day of our lives.

So, Christmas is over. But the song never ends. And we have the joyous privilege of being a part of the band. So get singing. Get humming! Get drumming. Get into the band! "Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into His presence with singing!" (Ps.100:1-2) To our Savior, worthy of all our singing and sharing, be the glory.

Piping with the Pipers

"On the 11th day of Christmas, my true love sent to me 11 pipers piping." The question is, would we even be able to hear them above the constant din at our house around Christmas? Probably not, but I love music, so I say bring 'em on. I've always wanted my children to play a musical instrument and have failed miserably in this department, so maybe the pipers would rub off on them. Here's hoping anyway.

In the song, the 11 pipers symbolized Jesus' 11 faithful disciples, who courageously shared the Gospel with the world. 10 of the 11 gave their lives as martyrs. And the 11th, John, lived for many years in exile on the island of Patmos. I often think of these 11 and the transformation in each of them after the death and resurrection of Jesus (and the coming of the Holy Spirit). Doubting Thomas became devoted Thomas who remained faithful and fruitful to His Lord until His martyrdom. The mercurial Peter who denied His Lord right before His crucifixion became "The Rock" who testified boldly and consistently and powerfully until he was crucified upside down (because he said he was not worthy to be crucified in the same way as His Savior) All 11 were changed dramatically changed.

What an eternal difference these 11 men and their faithful witness have made for all of us! Thank the Lord for each of them--all so different and yet all so vital to the spreading of the Gospel. And what a reminder that God calls and uses all types of people, each with their unique gifts and weaknesses, to further His kingdom. None of us are perfect (boy, that's an understatement). None of our children are perfect. Yet even with our failings and inconsistencies, God calls us to look to Him by faith and trust that He can transform and redeem us and use us for His glory. He is not finished with us or our children or our loved ones yet.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which clings so closely, and let us run with confidence the race that is set before us." Heb.12:1 I'm convinced that the 11 disciples are among that cloud of witnesses, cheering us on. They ran their race with faithfulness and endurance. Now it is our turn. Might we, too, prove faithful and courageous and bold in running our race on this earth all the way to the finish line. And that finish line is just up ahead. It's not far now, so keep running, keep piping along with those trustworthy pipers! To God be the glory.