Anybody out there stuck in the middle right now? (If you're wondering what in tarnation I'm talking about, see the previous blog.) Middle age...middle of the rat race...middle of parenting...middle of the cancer treatment...middle of school...middle of that long, demanding project...middle of some challenge that seems to stretch out before you in an infinite, exhausting line?
Man, middles can be tough. We can no longer remember the thrill of the beginning and cannot yet glimpse the fulfilling finish line. So we can tend to slog along--giving in to discouragement, frustration, or even weary resignation.
Such prescient words C.S. Lewis writes in The Screwtape Letters. Screwtape, the senior devil advises Wormwood, the junior devil: "The long, dull, monotonous years of middle-aged prosperity or middle-aged adversity are excellent campaigning weather. You see, it is so hard for these creatures to persevere."
I had one of those moments the other day. It'd had been a busy couple of days (make that years...or decades), and this mama was just plain worn out. We'd been gone watching our son's golf (which, for me, is most definitely not relaxing--the whole time I feel vaguely nauseous with nerves), so the laundry situation had reached DEFCON 1.
The time had come to trudge upstairs and retrieve the kids' dirty clothes. I was met by...well, frankly, words fail me. And that's really saying something. We're talking the mother of all MESSES in every, single, cotton-picking room. Piles of dirty clothes, unmade beds, lights left on...are we living in a barn here?
At that moment, I got lost in the middle of all that exhausting, frustrating mess. Stomping downstairs, I was ill as a hornet, steams of fury surely emanating from my ears. This mom had HAD IT! What on earth could they have been thinking? How hard is it to pick up your wet towels or put away your clean clothes or....arrrrrrgh! I was mad, tired, discouraged, and firmly entrenched in the muddy middle of lost perspective, lost peace, and lost joy. Not a great place to be.
Right at that moment, my wise husband, perhaps alerted by the loud stomping sounds and deep sighs that a furious maniac was now loose in the house, calmly reminded me of something. And it changed everything. Like I said the other day--we need other people to encourage us in the middle, don't we?
Here's what he said:
"You remember right after we had that terrible diagnosis from that doctor? The one who told us that Janie would might never wake up? Might never recover, never walk or eat or talk? Well, right after I heard that, I went upstairs to her bedroom. And, as usual, it was a total, disastrous mess. Only this time, that mess was beautiful. And that mess made me cry. Because I knew that room would now be spotless for the next 30 years. Since Janie would never be able to go upstairs again, there would be no more messes to clean up...and all I could think was, 'Oh, if only we could have that messy room again. How on earth could I have been upset over a silly messy bedroom?'"
He continued, "Someday, those bedrooms will be spotless, because our children will be grown and gone. And I'm betting we'll really miss those messes. So why don't we be thankful right now for those messes and what they represent?"
Yeah. Well, now that you put it that way, I think I'll just sit down and cry for a while.
But they were tears of joy and gratitude, not frustration and discouragement. Because sometimes in the middle, we've got to pause to remember and reflect. First, remember our God and His Word and His promises. That's why we've got, got, got to be in His Word daily. We need spiritual nourishment every single day, every single hour to get us through the exhausting, challenging middles of life! I love how Jen Hatmaker put it for us moms: "Our only hope to speak with kindness, to lead with patience, and to not threaten our children with homicide is to ensure our spiritual reserves are not bone-dry. Moms are the middle [hey, there's that word again!] of the flow chart; the arrows of exertion flow constantly out from us, but when no arrows of strength, grace, and peace are flowing in, the whole mechanism is in danger. Goodness in equals goodness out. No goodness in equals no goodness out."
And that's just as true for dads and grandparents and teenagers and young adults and everybody else. We all need Him and His Word.
Can I put this is as simply and honestly as possible--if you're too busy to get into God's Word daily to be nourished and strengthened, then you are too busy. Period. We all--even the crazy busiest of us--have 24 hours a day, and the God who made us for Himself and longs to equip, encourage, and guide us has made us to run on His fuel. The fuel of His Word. So if you're too busy for Him, then something absolutely must go. We've got to be ruthless in cutting out the extraneous in order to find time for the excellent and necessary. If we don't, we'll find ourselves "bone-dry" and lacking the resources to find our way out of the wasteland of the middle.
But oh my, if we'll remember and reflect on God and His Word--on His presence with us, His power, His grace, His love, His goodness--we'll find ourselves renewed and revived in the midst of those dry deserts of our lives.
And secondly, we need to remember and reflect on God's gifts, on His goodness to us specifically. Just as my husband reminded me of the gifts behind those messy bedrooms--the treasure of our children. And the gift of Janie's healing.
Sometimes we just need to stop for a moment and start counting our blessings. Yeah, sure it sounds trite--but gratitude is literally LIFE CHANGING!! Dietrich Bonhoeffer said that "We pray for the big things and forget to give thanks for the ordinary, small (and yet really not small) gifts."
Amen! After all, isn't it those small, but not really small, gifts that splash joy and wonder all over our lives? Thank You, Father, for the fact that a messy bedroom means we have a house to live in, children to love, clothes to wear. Thank You for legs that can carry me up the stairs, eyes to see, hands that can carry the load. Thank You for a brain that can process, ears that can hear another's wisdom, and a voice that can speak out thanksgiving. Thank You for the gifts of laughter, perspective, companionship, hope, strength, faith. Thank You for family and friends that make this journey--even the challenging, exhausting parts--a joyous, loving adventure rather than a tiresome slog.
So just in case you're trudging along in the middle--stop! And take time daily to remember and reflect on Almighty God, His Word, and His greatness, glory, and grace. And then remember and reflect on His goodness to you and His innumerable gifts in your life. When you do, you'll find your middle transformed into a highway of blessing.
To God be the glory.
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