Thankful for today

     Just sitting here with Janie and feeling grateful.  So grateful to our extravagant God.  It is a little after 2:00 in the afternoon, and I've been reading Janie emails from her friends and teachers.  I well remember about two weeks ago, when she was still unconscious, I sat by her bed and tried to read her emails and could never get through even a single sentence without breaking down and weeping.  "Janie," I would sob to my sleeping daughter, "I'm not doing a very good job, am I?  I'm thinking this is probably not very encouraging to you with mama crying like this."  And I would just have to put the emails away for another day.  A day in the unknown, far distant future.  A day when I might actually read them to her and she might actually understand them.

     And then that day suddenly arrived today.  Only this time, I read them without tears, and sweet Janie is the one who was crying.  We even joked about this remarkable turnaround--she was being like her emotional mom and shedding tears. I couldn't cry--I have cried so many tears and right now, I just feel so undeservedly grateful that the tears refuse to come.  God moves in mysterious ways.  

       My heart breaks for all that Janie is missing right now--all the joys of her senior year and her friends and the IB program at her school that she really loves and her teachers.  That is the source of her tears.  She even cried when we talked about homework and how she wishes she could be doing homework right now.  Father, You are the God of all comfort--would You speak gently and lovingly to her right now and give her Your peace and joy even in the midst of this hard, lonely place?  I know that You will, Lord, and that You are using this all for good and for Your glory, but Father please help her know and feel this.  Sometimes knowing something intellectually pushes up against our feelings, and  those feelings tend to overwhelm our faltering hearts. 

      We have so far to go, and Janie knows that.  We talked about all the things that she will never ever take for granted again.  Friends, Moses our dog, sports practices, car, food and eating a meal with others,  routine--O to have a glorious routine for her with school and home and sports.  How much do we take for granted every single day, Lord?  Forgive us.  Thank You for the gift of seeing and feeling and being busy and and hearing and watching and driving.  The gifts of running errands and rushing to school and sleeping in your own bed, and folding laundry, and sighing at the mess in your children's room, and watching high school sporting events, and dropping off forgotten lunches or books at school, and listening to your children complain about homework or the lack of food in the kitchen (even when you just went to the store!).  These are just a few things that will never pass unnoticed and unappreciated in our house again.  Simply the joys and challenges and messes and blessings of daily life with the ones you love.  How could we have ever grumbled about any of them?

     Don't miss the extraordinary blessings God showers upon you simply because of their dailyness and ordinariness.  All of life now seems remarkable and worthy of celebrating.  Forgive us, Father, for so often being heedless of Your goodness and grace to us.  Did the sun rise again today?--thank Your Faithful Father.  Were you able to hug your children as they rushed out the door?--praise the Giver of all good gifts.  Could you say "I love you" to someone near and dear to your heart--rejoice with the One who is Love. 

     And so Janie and I sit in this quiet room, but a gentle fire of hope and trust burns within my heart--hope and trust in the One who has brought Janie so extraordinarily far.  As I reminded her just a bit ago--don't look back except to rejoice in how far God has brought you. And don't look ahead at a long road with fear and impatience (of course I'm counseling my own heart too!).   We can't worry about all she is missing nor how we will face next week's challenges.  We simply trust and thank God for and in this moment, this fine moment, that He has given us.  This moment to love and learn and trust an unknown future to a known God.  For we know that He will not abandon us now.  Or next week.  Or next month.  

     He will not abandon you either... not ever.  

     Janie has said so many times "I want to go home."  We believe and know God will enable that to happen in His good time.  (We're praying sooner rather than later--but our "Father knows best!"  Help us to wait patiently and trustingly, Lord.)  And it will be so wonderful!  But in the meantime, we rejoice that no matter what any of us are going through, we are, none of us, truly home yet.  This fine life, this amazing world, simply is a poor, pale foreshadowing of our true Home.  And that will be one glorious homecoming truly worth the wait!  

     So we rejoice as we continue to run this marathon, thankful for this day--and this day's strength--from our sovereign, never-failing Father.  To God be the glory.